I drugged myself to sleep again….

Well no biggie, just a .25mg Xanie….But I just couldn’t deal with the hurt and pain anymore.

After breaking up with my boy toy, I thought I would feel free. But I don’t I am sad. I  miss him and I miss the good times.

However, I am angry at myself. For whenever I talk to him he is still very mean and disrespectful towards me. Yet I still miss him?!!! What is wrong with me?

I am just mad at my self that I engaged in his petty games our last month. Everything was soo perfect with us, but as we got closer and deeper he pulled away. Which in turn made me act “pschyco”.

I hate not taking the high road. It kills me inside. I am mostly mad at the way I acted.

I wish things were different. I’d like him to be nice and loyal to me again. I miss seeing his face and going out with him at night.

But why am I attracted to these mean men? Men that try to break me down, constantly? The problem is I always see the good in people. Always!! This freaks guys out. Some men are programmed to think they are scumbags. And when a l’il old Barbie doll like me comes around and only sees the good and potential in them they think it is too good to be true. So they test it. They try to see how far they can go…how much I will take. It’s like they want me to know, “Hey I am not soo great, and let me show you what a mean SOB I can be!”

Well, my white flag is up. I cannot go on being the pawn anymore. I have tasted all of your sin and now it is my turn to WIN!~

Because this is who I am. I see the good in people and I forgive easily. So if someone wants to be mean to me, that’s  on them. I refuse to be bitter!!!

So I challenge you, hurt me, beat me down, kill me with your words. I can take it. This horse will not be broken! I am taking the high road and Karma will deal with you later.

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